The Borgias S3 Finale Bloopers
by LoveyHowl
Summary: Let's just say I hope that all the great actors and crew on this show took the end better than I did.


I don't own "Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen.

I own nothing.

The Borgias S3E10

The Prince [Season] Series Finale Bloopers

* * *

Director (Off set): Hey, everybody...I know you're all a little down in the dumps because the carpet's been yanked out from under your feet, but let's make this last show rock! Hey! Who just threw that motherfuckin' dagger at me? ( a crew member yells out something at him) Prop, my ass! Fuck—medic! Let's get to work...shit...

* * *

Int: Night—Great Room in the estate of Niccolo Machiavelli.

_Cesare Borgia visits with Machiavelli seeking his sage advice as Machaivelli busies himself lighting a fire at the hearth._

Julian/Niccolo: What would you say is the perfect crime, my Lord?

Francois/Cesare: In my world today? The creator of this show and Showtime getting away with ending our show with this episode.

Director (angrily): Cut!

* * *

Int: Night—The Pope's antechamber in the Vatican.

_Cesare and and his father discuss the future of their family and the best means of carving out a dynasty._

Jeremy/Rodrigo: Primogeniture...is the simplest and most efficient transfer of power known to man.

Francois/Cesare (gives a stunned look at Rodrigo): You _did_ get your pink slip, didn't you?

Director (lividly): Cut! I'm warning you, Francois!

* * *

Int: Day—Vatican Armory.

_Cesare prepares to lead the Sons of Rome to battle and gives them his instructions as he marches out to meet his army._

Francois/Cesare (angry, but calm): We have an army here: it is well stocked; powdered, at last; it has generals—and now we've been canceled...fight like you give a fuck, anyway.

Director (jumps up from his chair and kicks it over in hissy fit): Cut! Goddammit, cut! That's it—everybody! Take fucking five!

* * *

Int: Night—Dining room in Orsini Palace.

_As the army marches out of Rome, Cesare meets with Lucrezia to say goodbye._

Francois/Cesare (leans against the wall looking forlorn): I have to leave soon.

Holliday/Lucrezia (walks toward him): Yes, I know. You have your army at last...you have castles to knock down...(tears begin to fall) will you think of me a little? And will you promise to protect yourself?

Francois/Cesare (embraces his sister): What would console you, sis?

Holliday/Lucrezia: The one thing that could, I think, would be another season...

Director (screaming): Fucking cut! Jesus, will you guys please fucking stay in fucking character!

* * *

Int: Night—Vannozza dei Cattanei's bedchamber.

_Cesare visits his mother and discusses his fears about his father's ambitions and the family's future._

Francois/Cesare: Rome is about to change, mother.

Joanne/Vannozza: "Rome"? "Rome" was canceled, as well, years ago—we should have taken the hint from that one, huh?

Francois/Cesare: But at least it got closure.

Joanne/Vannozza: True dat.

Director: Cut!

* * *

Int: Day—Forli Castle situation room.

_Caterina Sforza goes over her battle and defense strategies with her generals._

Gina/Caterina: These are the suits—have e-mails sent here...here...and here...(she uses a pointer and taps at prominent logos on the table showing Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr)...I want petitions sent out...

Not credited/Soldier: Petitions don't work, my Lady...

Gina/Caterina (passionately): I don't care! Send them anyway—and I want Showtime subscriptions canceled, as well!

Director (holding his arm and gritting his teeth through the shooting pains signaling a heart attack) : Cut! Will you guys give it a rest already! Aaaarrggghhh...aspirin! I need aspirin! Somebody! (collapses)

* * *

Int: Night—Cesare's tent.

_Cesare lies sleeping and is awakened by a presence—instinctively he draws a blade from under his pillow against the intruder and finds that it is Micheletto._

Francois/Cesare: Micheletto—where have you been?

Sean/Micheletto: I've been out looking for work—you _did_ get your pink slip, didn't you?

1st Assisstant Director: Cut!

* * *

Ext: Day—The perimeter outside Forli Castle.

_Cesare's army has just shot the last cannonball that finally brings the castle walls of Forli tumbling down to ruin. Amidst the triumphant cheers of his army he prepares to storm the breach. From atop his horse his gives the order to proceed._

Francois/Cesare: Oh, ye of little faith...we will survive this travesty and this day...

1st Assistant Director (Off set, talking to script supervisor): What the fuck? Where is that? That's not in the script...

Francois/Cesare: These cannons are our Creator! The cannonballs—are Showtime! Castle Forli...is our beloved show! Let's party like it's 1499! (music ques up: "Another One Bites The Dust" begins to play and all the cast members jump down from their horses and are joined by actors streaming from the set of the castle; they all sing and dance wildly along with the music)

1st Assistant Director (totally off his shit and running around the grounds like crazy): Cut! Cut! We can't afford this shit! Cut, you motherfuckers! Jeremy—off the set! Holliday—put the baby down! David—where did you come from? Clear the fucking set, Goddammit! Everybody! Consider this your wrap party, you fuckers!


End file.
